Doubt

Man things are messed up right now. I had a perfectly good job that I walked away from so we could move here. It is good to be here, but when is it going to start falling in place. Brian needs a job. I need to find my place. The kids need a routine. I need to simply calm down and be more trusting.

Brian and I have grown a lot as individuals lately. Our relationship with God has become more intense. However, the closer you get to him, the more your flaws stand out. It is like when you clean you house and suddenly you start to see more fingerprints everywhere and the few stray toys are driving your bonkers. At a glimps the house looks good, but you knwo there are flaws that you just can't let go until you hopefully fix them.

It is time to check my heart. When trouble strikes, what do you do? Pray of course. Naturally you should pray all the time, especially in the good times. Yet you absolutely should pray in the bad times too. Otherwise, you don't stand a chance.

Cast all your anxiety on Him for he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

For me this seems easy, but not really. Here is where it gets me:

*How much of your anxiety does He instruct us to cast upon Him? ALL OF IT!

OK, so cast all of it. Great. Well, where will I get if I just complain to Him and not open up my heart to his response. He cares, therefore He wants to help. The catcher for most people, well, me is...Surrendering! Surrendering 100%!

Why call this reflection "Doubt"? I am reflecting on my heart. Has God given me any reason to doubt Him?  My answer depends on how I look at the question. In my Earthly, selfish, caught up in my own mess way, I would say yes, because, well, look at the circumstances. Things are going well at all. That by the way would be a stupid answer. That would be me being selfish, narrow-minded, and quite frankly childish to want everything NOW!

Well Hanna, that is tough. God's timing does not work that way. Is this a test of my faith? Possibly. Regardless, God's timing is PERFECT! PERIOD!

If God were to open up my heart right now and examine it (and He IS doing that as we speak, all the time actually) what would he see? Would he see doubt? I am afraid so. He would see a tremendous amount of doubt.

So how do I get past this. I have 2 choices.

#1- I can grovel, moan, and get no where. Leaving nothing in God's hands and essentially hammering the last nail in my coffin leaving ZERO chance of over coming anything!

#2- Surrender 100% to Him, Trust Him, Rely in his perfect timing and plan, and Praise Him all the while, inspite of all circumstances.

What should I do? Simple, #2- Surrender 100%! It is the only way. I Love Him, right? Of course. He loves me, definately.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5